Thursday, July 8, 2010

What you gon' do with all that junk?


A month or so ago, my facebook status update read

Kelley Dickerson Barnhardt apologizes to anyone who may have just seen her running in her husband's (ridiculously short and revealing) running shorts.


These things were skimpy, I'm telling you. I felt like I was running around town in a speedo, and I'm not sure I have the chops to do that. The one benefit, however, was that what was supposed to be an easy run turned into a tempo run, as I was trying to get home as fast as possible so fewer people could rest their eyes on my pasty white thighs.

Well guess what? It's your lucky day if you missed the aforementioned spectacle, because I just bought the exact same pair of shorts on Monday.

Finding the right running gear has been a challenge. I wish I were more like my sister-in-law, Joy, who can roll up in her lady coach shorts, or her cute tights, or heck she could run in cut-off jean shorts and probably not have any problems. But due to a proclivity for rashes and chaffing (is this too much information?), I have to be particular about what I wear. Factor in 3 children in 4 years and the search becomes even more complicated, an evolving process that's seen my size fluctuate from Medium to Maternity with a whole range of flabbiness in between.

I was into running skirts for a while. Can't wear those anymore.

Then onto knee-length spandex. Can't really do those either.

Occasionally I'll rock a pair of LA Gear spandex, cotton/poly/lycra blend, that I've had since 1992. The first time I pulled those out I had to text my cousin, Jeanne, knowing that she would both appreciate and be appalled by 1)the fact that I still owned them and 2) the fact that I look totally ridiculous in them but still wear them because I'm clueless that way.

The offending shorts, pictured above, are men's, made by Brooks, and are commonly referred to as "splits" because they split up the leg and basically reveal the unfortunate-looking upper part of my quads/glutes. But after trying on many pairs of shorts, these were the ones I settled on. The women's Nike shorts that everyone wears that are so cute made me look like I had big balloons on my backside. And after wearing the splits, the other shorts just had so much...fabric. These shorts, I swear, I'm going to look like a pegasus striding towards the sun in these. Like Jason F, or Scott B, or AK, or my husband.

I've learned from buying a lot of cheap stuff that having a few nice pairs of shorts, socks, etc, does make a difference, if not in increasing my speed then at least in my mind (I'm a pegasus!). That being said I have some great inexpensive Champion running shorts from Target that will probably last a few years, at least until shorts no longer work for me and I'll have to start running in...my brother's wrestling singlet from college? Anyone?

So, again...my apologies to anyone who now sees me running around town in my (ridiculously short and revealing) running shorts.

They work for now. And I'm going for it.



10 comments:

joy said...

I complimented Kelley on her running geer today - She rocked those shorts! I also want to point out that these cute shorts have not one, but Two Fabulous pockets! I want a pair so I can be a pegasus too. But as you well know I am known to rock the "lady coach" any day of the week. I am learning to embrace the "lady coach" side of me.

tommyday said...

K dog you are not alone! I have been catching worlds of grief for years from everyone I know, and the occasional redneck passerby honking and yelling things like "put on some clothes", about my short shorts. Madeleine (my wife) likes to joke about how the tailor ran out of material. My brother's razz me about how I've stolen a pair of their rugby shorts from days of yore. Laugh on I say. Only a fool would wear bunged up basketball shorts to run in. What are they trying to prove? That they can withstand the chafe and the extra weight associated with wearing such obviously NON running paraphanalia (sp?)? Anybody who knows anything about anything sees you, Kelley (or me), coming down the road and they say "check this one out-she is gettin' it done! They see Mr. weight room long shorts coming down the road and avert their eyes from the heinous crime being committed against such a pure endeavour. He's probably wearing a tight cotton tank top too. Cotton? Seriously? Enjoy your new freedom. (that's just because he's wearin MY shorts now, Kelley-- from Madeleine)

c k said...

Are the LA Gears purple or black? I think I may have some recollection of those beauties...

joy said...

I'm not sure what you ladies are complaining about and yes that includes you Tommy. Are you saying it is uncool to run in sweatpants, a thick hoody and high top con's in the dead of summer? If so, I must go shopping post haste! As my "singlet" was mentioned on this edition, I felt it important to defend the style and comfort of the before memtioned singlet. This garmet is not only breathable, comfortable, good looking and stylish it is also stretchable, making this article of clothing the PERFECT running companion.

joy said...

that last post was cameron in case you didn't know

Kelley said...

2011 might be the year of the singlet...

Peggy said...

You are fast approaching nothing up-top! Give the singlet a try..........

Woody said...

Please tell me the spandex the infamous QCR splatter paint ones?

tommyday said...

How much money could we raise to see Cameron run a race in his singlet-I would pay big!!!

Kelley said...

Possible fundraising opportunity??